BOUNDARY FRAMEWORK

A house needs walls, roads needs pavements, cities have commercial and residential areas, humans have private and public lives.

As important as walls are to houses to separate the bathroom from the bedroom so are boundaries to people.

Have you ever been to an auditorium before? One thing we know about it is that it is a large room. Anyone who doesn't create boundaries is like an auditorium- anything comes in, anything goes out.

One other perfect example of the importance of boundaries is the operation theater of a hospital (yes it's been a while since I shared something about my profession). In every theatre, there are 3 zones; there's the unrestricted , the semi-retired and restricted zones.

Unrestricted zone: the general public has access to this area. This is where you see friends and loved ones waiting when there's a surgery in session.

Semi-retricted zone: only authorized staff in the appropriate attire are allowed in here. Outsiders are not allowed. It consists of the corridors, nurses' restrooms, storerooms etc.

Restricted zone: this is where the real surgery happens. There's a really fancy bed( they call it a table) which can be adjusted for the patient to lie on, there are bright lights and some complicated machines in there. Strict rules are ensured to maintain sterility (you know this word right? Or I should explain🧐). We can't afford to be careless in a room where people are literally cut open, can we? Any foreign material we introduce-airborne/waterborne/any-other-wayborne can have dire consequences.

So it is with us, our private lives- our innermost thoughts, feelings,ideas- are ones that we have to share first with people who we know have worn the appropriate attire (character traits) and are skilled enough to help us solve them like the surgeons are. We have to create boundaries to ensure that unauthorized people cannot just barge in and dump their trash. This is how we ensure privacy.

Your life is not a show so don't run it like an auditorium. Carefully sift the people you allow into your circle. As cliche as it sounds, your friends can be your undoing. It can take years but bad advice and bad influence from your circle of friends will leave a dent. Good influence like fire, will spread when you allow it into your personal space.

Privacy and secrecy, is there a difference?

Yes there is! Secretive people have something to hide, private people have something to protect.

They have their sanity, their mental health, their faith, their love and sometimes physical health to protect.

Doesn't this sound like living a double/fake life? Where you're one way in public and another in private.

Not at all. The goal of boundaries is to keep bad influences out not bad traits hidden. The people in your inner circle are there to help ensure that your public reputation matches your private character. That is why you have to make sure that these people are good.

Consider your life as a theatre.

Which aspects will be your restricted, unrestricted and semi-retricted zones?

What are the appropriate attire (character traits) you expect from people who want to come into the restricted and semi-retricted zones?

Build a solid boundary framework for your physical and emotional health.

City walls in ancient Israel weren't just for demarcation but for protection. Don't be a wall-less person, yes some people do take it to the extreme but it's still important. Let your walls have gates with which you control traffic moving in and out.

If we all had boundaries we wouldn't be falling in love, we'll be walking into love with our eyes open but that's a conversation for another day. If you send me money maybe I'll put my love doctor coat on and we'll discuss that next week🤓😅.

'nough said. I hope you get my point. Let me know what you think in the comments.