DAY 24: COMFORTING WORDS

A friend opened up to me about something months ago and in a bid to comfort her, I threw one of these cliche things we say at her. “Julie, that's not helping”, she replied.

Ouchhh, that was honest😅. I appreciate her 100% for giving me feedback.

Fast forward to some months after that, I also experienced a setback. “I don't even know what to say”, she said. I was surprised by how that little statement touched me. The honesty to admit her helplessness in that situation was admirable. Because many times, we truly have no words.

We have this desire to go problem-solving mode when people we love tell us their problems. And while that is a good virtue, we have to learn when to move and when to listen. 

Problem solving is great until you encounter a problem that is beyond your power, and that is the case for each of the scenerios described above. Even though I wanted to help, I was not influential to influence the outcome at any level. My friend’s rant was for a listening ear not another nagging suggestion. Through this I have learnt to be okay with the uncomfortable feeling of helplessness. There are problem only God can solve, my role now is to serve as a source of comfort and strength to the person while we wait for a solution.

When she said, “I don't even know what to say”, she didn't lie because at that point, I didn't want to hear any “have you tried that” or “how about this”. That simple sentence showed me how finite human power is and offered me more comfort that the best speech would.

Church people are the main culprits of this attitude. We tend to use christianese to cover hurts and struggles. We don't allow ourselves to grieve properly because we have rehearsed statements at hand ready to throw at them. Every sign of weakness is treated as a lack of faith.

That reply that you have rehearsed might not be the best answer now. 

The best answer now might be, “how can I help?”

“How can I be there for you”?

“How do you feel?”

The best comfort is derived from the place of prayer. It is when we know the Comforter that we can comfort. We comfort others with the comfort He has comforted us.

So the next time, someone opens up to you about something, don't be quick to reply. Pause, say a prayer and ask God how He intends for you to be a source of comfort, listen to them speak their hearts out, genuinely empathize, then say what the Lord has laid on your heart.

Do not, I repeat do not release a rehearsed statement, do not insinuate what they need. 

Be discerning, ask questions, pray for them, share scriptures. Invite the Comforter to do His work in them.